I was stupid.
I was 24.
See I should have never married my first husband. We were supposed to get married June 7th 2007. Key word there is SUPPOSED to. Ya see I was at the salon getting all dolled up for what I thought was going to be my happily ever after. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in the chair just got my hair done and was talking with the stylist about how I wanted my soon to be step-daughters hair to be. My phone rang and it was was Jason. I answered the phone and I heard the words that no bride to be wants to hear on her wedding day.
Yes the is the only picture I have left from that relationship. Why? Well because I burned all the hard copies of pictures I had and I deleted the digital ones. Yeah I was that bitter at the end. And to be clear I do not have this picture actually a friend has it for me.
Things got bad quickly again. We started fighting and again I was accused of cheating. AGAIN. I was NOT.
The truth finally came out I was told that he was actually cheating on me.
Whats worse is it was with his daughters mother.
Talk about a shot to the heart. Things got nasty!
See I had owned my house since the time I was 21. Once we got married however it became marital property which meant he was “entitled” to half of it. Well I was determined not to let him get one red cent of that house. I also had a better job than him and made more money than him so he thought it would be a good idea to try to get alimony from me. That didn’t go over to well with my lawyer. In February of 2008 9 agonizing months later I was officially divorced and free of Jason.
Fast forward to April 15, 2011 and I married who I thought was my best friend and the man that I was going to legit spend the rest of my life with.
He and I dated for 2 years and got engaged while we were on vacation in St. Lucia. I was so excited and happy to be able to call him my husband. We planned our wedding and had a amazing day. I can not and will not take that away from us.
After our wedding we had a few wonderful months and then things started to change. I noticed things with him that were just off. I noticed he had a problem and when I confronted him about it he denied it and denied it. It was apparent that he had issues that needed to be worked on. He had drinking and drug issues. I told him that I wanted to help him and that I wanted him to help himself so it would help our marriage. I told him that with my job -I am a government employee- I could not have that kind of substance around me. I was not asking him to totally give up drinking but I was asking him to cut back form 2 bottles a night. I was however asking him to totally give up the drugs. He knew this. I was devastated. I told him he needed to make a decision. He told me that he could not give up the drugs and alcohol. I asked him if he knew what that meant? He said yes and we separated.
The divorce process with him was a lot easier. We didn’t fight. He didn’t try to do anything stupid and I was civil with him even though I was so hurt from him.
March 19, 2011 just shy of our 1 year wedding anniversary our divorce was finalized.
There I put it out there. I am a 20 something who has been divorced not once but twice and ya know what? I am okay with it. I had my issues I dealt with them. Do I wish I was still married? Sometimes yes I do but I know that if I stayed in either of these relationships I would either be dead or just flat out miserable. I do not wish divorce on anyone. Everyone wants their happily ever after but some of us just dont get it. I often say I will never get married again and when I say that people are like Nikki never say never. But I can honestly say that I NEVER want to get married again. I will be with someone. I will live with someone. I will have kids with someone one day but I will never get married again and I am okay with that.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.”