I got a email from a friend of mine the other day with the subject line of…
FWD: Dog vs. Cat.
Not gonna like I was kinda hesitant to open it because it was a FWD and lets face it those usually mean they are some kinda crazy chain letter that says that if you do not forward it to at least 900 people your house is gonna explode and you will have 8 million years bad luck or something craptastic like that. Thanks but I’ll pass on that.
Being the dog lover I am. Hey hey Rylie and Zoe we need a post from you two soon! I decided that I would open it.
8:00am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
1:00pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm – Ran back and forth in the hall! My favorite thing!
5:00pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm – Go to play tug! My favorite thing!
8:00pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. The dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike gear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards! They continue to pick me up and handle me, an obvious attempt to subvert me. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was place in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here and flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released — and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. Tonight I will again lay on their heads while they sleep and hope to smother them.