Today marks 6 months. 6 months since our lives went from and extreme high to an extreme low. 6 months since one of the hardest things I have ever been through mentally, physically and emotionally. 6 months since Mr. Big Truck and I experienced loss as a unit. 6 months since my ectopic pregnancy.
In the past 6 months life has continued even though we went through something so hard. God has been there every step of the way for us and for that I am so so thankful. We never once felt alone in this journey and at the same time have also felt a sense of peace. Over the past 6 months I have felt all kinds of emotions. I went from feeling like I was a failure to feeling like I am ok. I went from asking God why me? To asking him what lessons is He trying to teach us?
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the baby we lost. I wonder everyday about that baby. I wonder if it was going to be a boy or a girl. I wonder what we would have named the baby. I wonder how that baby would have fit into our lives. I wonder how #babybigtruck would have taken to being a big sister. I wonder how we would have balanced life with two children. So many thoughts go through my head daily about that baby and what our lives would have been like.
Instead I am faced with the reality that we are a family of 3 and I am very thankful for that. I also am thankful that I am still here today living this life with my husband and daughter. Things could have ended a totally different way and that would have been devastating to Mr. Big Truck and my family. Everyday as hard as it is I thank God that I am still here living this life. I thank God that he has given me another day to be the wife and mother he has called me to be. I thank God that I get to do his work. I also thank God for the experience of the ectopic and for Him to teach me and heal me as the days go by. I know for a fact that God has used this experience to grow my faith in Him and grow my trust in Him.
I hope and pray that one day God will bless us with another baby if and when that day comes we will welcome that baby with open arms. If that day doesn’t come we are okay with that as well!
We know and trust that God has big plans for our family and we know He is in control. We are reminded of that in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I also love the promise of Romans 8:28 And we know that in all thing God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Although the we may not understand what is going on and why God is putting us through something we trust that He knows what He is doing and how He is working in our lives. Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” We are so so thankful for Gods promises.
As I move on with our lives never forgetting this baby I have yet to meet I look forward to meeting that baby one day. I will also enjoy every moment here on Earth with my loving family.