4 Years



How is it 4 years? 4 years! I just can not warp my head around that. 4 years ago you left us. 4 years ago I had to say goodbye to you for the last time. 4 years ago I watched you suffer your last 10 days of life. You were a fighter though. You wouldn’t give up until we all got to the hospital and were able to tell you to go and that we would be okay!

I try not to think about your last 10 days with us. I try to focus on all the good memories I have with you. The summers I spent in Arizona with you. The things we did like going to the Grand Canyon, Red Rock Slide, and going to Tijuana Mexico years ago. I focus on all the times you came to visit us for two weeks at a time. I remember you would always bring a pecan log with you. I remember the time I slammed my knee into a pair of scissors on your bed. You weren’t to happy with me for that one. Sorry! I remember you teaching me how to sew a button on a shirt. I remember you working tirelessly on slip covers. You were so good at that.

I remember when you moved back east I was so excited. No more did I have to play a trip to go and visit you for a week at a time. I could go and visit you every weekend if I wanted. You were only a 2 hour car ride away. I tried to go and visit as often as I was able to. I loved spending time with you. I loved when you used to come to my house and stay for a few days. We would go to the mall together and we would window shop and talk and we always stopped for ice cream. Butter pecan and rocky road for you and chocolate chip cookie dough and rocky road for me.

I looked forward to the day I had a baby so you could love on your great grand baby. That day never came for you and I am so sorry. You would have loved on #babybigtruck so much. You would have eaten her up. I gave her your name as her middle name. I remember when I found out I was having a girl I knew right away I wanted her middle name to be your name. I told Michael and he was totally on board with it. I can not wait to tell her where she gets her middle name from and all about you. She reminds me of you in so many ways. She is loud and outspoken as you were. She’s independent. Oh so independent. She knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

Not a day goes by that I do not think about you and wish I could pick up the phone and call you. I wish you were here to play with #babybigtruck and meet Mike. You would have loved Mike and I could hear it now the whispers in my ear “he’s cute!” I love you and I miss you more and more every day. They say with time it gets easier but not for me. I find that I miss you more and more as the days and years go by. I know one day we will be reunited but what I would do to talk to you for even 5 more minutes today.

I love you and miss you!

  Hugs, Nikki

I have 6 Lovely Comments, I would love to have yours... on 4 Years

  1. avatar
    Pinky says:
    April 13, 2016

    Tears, sweet friend, all the tears. I am so so so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain immensely as you know. April is a hard month for me too. Your grandmother was beautiful and sounds like the salt of the earth. I too struggle knowing my grandmother will never meet my children and that hurts me even after eight years.

    The pain eases sometimes but then it’s back randomly in force and we miss them so much all over. She is watching over you and loving on you from Heaven. I wish I could say more to ease the hurt, but I can’t. I pray God grants you extra grace today. <3

    • avatar
      Nikki says:
      April 14, 2016

      Thanks love! I really appreciate it! Thank you for checking in on me through out the day yesterday it means so much!

  2. avatar
    Jen says:
    April 13, 2016

    I am sending so much love your way! Dealing with the loss of a loved one never gets easier.

    • avatar
      Nikki says:
      April 14, 2016

      Thank you! No it sure does not.

  3. avatar
    April 20, 2016

    Well this post just has me in tears. Especially the part about passing her name down to your own daughter. Precious. She sounds like she was an awesome lady!

    • avatar
      Nikki says:
      April 22, 2016

      Awe thank you! There was never any question about if we had a daughter that her middle name would be my grandmothers name and Michael was totally on board with it thankfully. My gram was one of the most awesomest -totally just made up that word- ladies in the world.

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